Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
its liver damage thursday
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