i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
