Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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