I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Randomize
