I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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