you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
