to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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