Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize