cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
