Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
