It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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