Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
