She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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