maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
