I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
