I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
