WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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