my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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