I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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