The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
