I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
