Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
