Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
