I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
