That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
