Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
this boner is exhausting
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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