Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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