Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
