3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
