Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
