You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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