it wasn't lemon gatorade
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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