Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He did a backflip because drugs
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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