perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
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