When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
