You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
