and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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