alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
