she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
