So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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