i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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