Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
