So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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