were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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