I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
The uberlube is also flammable
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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