I'm going to rape someone's good day.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
