I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
