Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
