i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
