Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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