And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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