i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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