She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
