Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize