he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
