am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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