He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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