whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
ok first of all what the fuck
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
