I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
