my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
