i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
