i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
