FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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