two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
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