Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
