I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
