Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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