3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
