I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
